On Sunday 3rd September 2017 at 5:30pm I started a new THING. A beginner’s
yoga class in a small community centre with a frankly adorable teacher. We were
a group of 13 or so ladies, we were all slightly awkward, no one wanted to
talk, no one wanted to draw attention, it was clear that no one had done this
before or if they had, it was basic.
Now, I have done yoga before, a
class in the gym I'm a member (not an active member obvs...I'm currently
working on the idea that by simply paying for it means I'm somehow benefiting
physically and spiritually. Just shhhh, it’s something I need to work on!)
The class was not great! Run by
a teeny tiny pocket rocket that spent most of her time flirting with the
muscle-heads who were straight out the weights room, stinking and sweaty. I
turned up much to their horror in my plus size joggers and t-shirt bum cover-er
and hid in the corner.....it was waaaaaay to advanced for me, there was zero
interaction or help, it wasn't a pleasant experience and funnily enough I
didn't go back.
Next up and in a more necessary
case due to an annoying back issue I was advised to try Pilates. Ten
four....found a class, in the village I grew up with a pleasant teacher BUT
full of the older ladies I'd grown up with letting out long, loud farts!! OK I
get it, the exercises make this happen but I can't, I cannot sit in a class with
ladies I've know my entire life gently guffing away without becoming completely
and ridiculously hysterical. To make things worse I was there with two of my
pals who were equally in pieces, crying with laughter....I'm surprised we
didn't get run out of there for being 30-odd going on 8! I liked the class and
the Pilates itself was great but still...we only lasted a few sessions. Yes!! I
am a fitness commitment-phobe!
However, I've been feeling of
late that in my great age I should begin to at least think about doing
something to keep me fit and as previously mentioned I'm attempting to get back
to the expensive drain on my resources or as other people call it, the gym.
When I say get back to it, I mean the pool and swimming not the actual gym. I
just resent that sweat-box and find those Lycra-clad wonders terrifying - this
is not me being judgmental, this is a genuine dread. How do they manage to stay
so moisture free and elegant when I resemble a sweltering tomato with gland
default?!!
Anyway anyway anyway
I found the new class due to an
ad on good old Faceballs, you know the ones where it shows that 15 of your
friend like this yoga group, vets, clothing brand and or more concerning Persil (I
mean, why would you? I think FB lies!!)
The group was advertising, due
to demand (a good start!), a new mixed ability group and a beginner’s class.
Hold up I think....this sounds right up my street, local, not too expensive, convenient time slot and a purely beginners class. We'll all be in the
same boat....no scary pros and their bendy bums putting us to shame. I emailed
the dude, registered and dug out my old Pilates mat and rushed out to buy some
new cover all issues tops. I'm set!!
Sunday rolls around....I wait
all day and I find myself getting progressively more apprehensive. I am not a
natural worrier so this is unusual but I know what this is. This is my
stupid head being stupid about daft things. 'I'll have to tell him about the
back thing, will everyone there be much fitter than me (more than likely!), I
bet I'm the only fat one, I bet no one else will sweat their cobs off, what if
I can't do the poses, I seriously need to get there early to get a spot at the
back! CRAP...can I even use my Pilates mat for yoga?! On and on and on...my
head was doing my own head in!
I got a grip on myself, we had
a chat and I ended it by repeating 'Remember! It’s a beginner’s class for a reason and no one
else cares about the size of your arse, they're all far too worried about their
own!'
Obvs I arrive 40mins
early.....no one is there, not even the class leader, still, I parked up and
looked keen. We finally made it in, there was some awkward 'Oh hi, have you
done this before?' small talk with a couple of ladies then we found our spots
and for once in my life I didn't hide at the back. I hid at the side of the
room but shut it....it is not the back! Progress!
The teacher who was a delight,
put us at ease by saying yoga is for everyone regardless of size, gender, age, race,
ability and we should never compare ourselves to anyone, do what your body is
happy with. I rather think this is an attitude we should all take on and live
our lives with at all points.
We did a few 'Oms' and cracked
on.
Things that happened.
*I couldn't do all the poses
but that was fine. I did what my body could and it’s a work in progress, right?
*I was the fattest in the room by a country mile but ho hum I normally am and as I'm getting older I'm trying to wear it
like a badge of honour. (This is for another post!)
*I sweated like an absolute
sweat monster in sauna but I guess that's actually the point, your body is working,
right? I had a towel thank GOD!
* I had a moment of slight
hysteria in the middle of the meditation chant bit at the end (I cannot be
serious! Ever!)
*I cannot balance AT ALL
*But mostly......I HAD A LOVELY TIME
Things that did not happen
*AT NO POINT WAS ANYONE MEAN OR
A TWAT OR JUDGMENTAL
and
and
*No one farted (much to my disappointment really)
It’s safe to say I loved it and
will be going back and back and back. An hour of yoga and bit of relaxation
was ace. It helped banish the Sunday Night Dread and sets you up for the week
and if I could have moved on Monday night I would have gone swimming but that's
a lesson in itself.....Don't be too gung ho on your first session Kate....you
idiot!
 |
| Sweaty Post-Yoga Face |
Namaste Bitches x
No comments:
Post a Comment